On Her Majesty’s Secret Service on Prime Video — already a Countess

the cool posters keep coming. source

OHMSS was one of the few movies that I have never bothered watching in all my years. It appeared boring. It does not have a cool title. The actor, Lazenby person, does not fit the bond look. On the internet folks say that this movie is either too awesome or too dull.

I ended up on the dull side of things. This is just a dull movie. It has a good story, but, it plays like a detective story. I did not enjoy it.

Raw Deal

no caption.

I don’t know who is to blame for this weird, odd man out, sort of movie here. You Only Live Twice, which was the first bad movie, at least did, grand things. The volcano liar is still awesome. The music fantastic. Connery was bored, but, he is still Connery. Connery cannot help being funny or charming or dashing and all that.

Lazenby is not doing it for me. He has a nice, classic, noir detective look to him. He would have made a fantastic Philip Marlowe. He’s got the height and the build and can be really good in sad, emotional scenes without much effort. He’s like the opposite of Connery.

Unfortunately, perhaps, responding to previous complaints, the bond producers also made a lot of changes. There is a more practical plot this time around time. Holding the world hostage with a deadly pandemic virus. The ransom demand is also more practical. The plot is more coherent and actually flows properly.

My biggest complaint with You Only Live Twice is how jumpy, and nonsensical and jittery the story flow is. The amount of women objectification is reduced. The bond girl is strong, confident and integral to the story. The entire thing is low key. In many ways, this is similar to Dr. No. However, Dr. No still had cool villains, great action and Sean Connery.

Also, why do they keep putting Lazenby in bizarre, weird costumes. Like that dress with the 3 hanging balls in front of his actual balls? That flower shirt in the beginning. Also, James Bond sleeping with three women in a span of hours. All this whilst engaged. It’s like mood whiplash.

The one liners are getting ever more boring and less inventive with this guy. Double entendre is way too much. Also, the ‘fast forward to make everything look hyper kinetic’ and Jason Bourne style ‘quick cuts’ and extreme editing did not do anything, any favors.

The cold open beach fight looks like it was made for a YouTube video. No. Just no.

Scoring

even the posters and marketing seem lacking in variety

I am marathon watching the James Bond movies and I wish to rank them at the end. So, I came up with a numbering system. The scores for this one are here.

1. Action and Stunts 6/9
2. Coolness Cool 0/9
3. Double Entendre and One Liners 2/9
4. Hot Women 9/9
5. Ludicrous Villainy, Cool Deaths and Traps 4/9
6. Gadgets Man! 2/9
7. General Awesomeness 3/9
8. Boredom Factor -7/-9

Total : 19

Final Note

that monkey cap, he wears. Just bad costume choices.

Thanks to pop culture osmosis, I already knew that bond loses his wife at the end. After 50 years, that’s no longer a spoiler. The romance part of the movie is fairly solid. But, after the non-stop thrill of the past five bond movies, experimenting with a love story with a actor change and a boring story, is too much a risk.

The ski chase is awesome and so is the location and the movie looks gorgeous.

I suppose, this is one of those acquired taste movie. I could not acquire the taste.

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